Monday, January 18, 2010


    When I was five years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to look over the counter. After all, those big people did a lot of things "up" there. I wanted to know what was going on.

    When I was six years old, my biggest aspiration I life was to find my real family. (I believed that I was adopted...but my mom has pictures that prove otherwise. LOL)

    When I was seven years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to be a bag lady ("troll" as my kids would say). I dreampt of living under bridges with my "treasures" and painting day and night. No responsibilities, no problems. (Remember, I was seven).

    When I was eight years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to ditch, and get through school with as little effort as possible. For example, I would get straight A's first and fourth quarters, second and third straight F's. So all quarter's would equal out to C's...therefore I would pass. (Can you say poor mom and teachers).

    When I was thirteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to get braces, my teeth were a small obsession. It's a good thing too because the oral surgeon would have physically broken my jaw to fix the problem when I was older.

    When I was fourteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to be with my first love, get married and have six children (missed it by that much....picture my fingers held 1/2 inch apart in the air).    

    When I was fifteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to do as many drugs as possible without getting caught. Hang out with my so called friends, and shirk as much responsibility as possible. (I'm sure you get the just by now. If I was ever told that I couldn't do it, I would show the world how blatant and extreme I could do it...sometimes stupidity won the day.)

     When I was sixteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to hop on a Greyhound bus from Golden, Colorado moving to Corpus Cristi, Texas. I packed my room and disappeared into the night after my parent had left for a weekend trip. My plan was to get married to my first two children's sperm donor father...this term used loosely. (P.S. I only knew him for two weeks) and start over.

    When I was seventeen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to become a Mother (I know crazy...but my first daughter "Taylor" is the reason I am breathing to this day, not in a ditch...somewhere...or under a bridge).

    When I was eighteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to become a Cosmetologist, quickly taking the test for GED and passing above and beyond what I needed. 

    When I was nineteen years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to realize the man I was with-made it impossible to be with the new man I truly deserved. Potential means nothing, if they say or do something cruel; that's what they mean, and who they truly are. No excuses. Abuse is abuse, love doesn't ever have to hurt, or make you cry.
(Footnote on this year: The abusive, drug addicted, sperm donor cheated with my then best friend of eight years while I was nine months "prego" with my second child/first son...kudos to them. I never looked back).

    When I was twenty years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to be the strongest woman/mother I could be for my first son "Drew" who had a 50/50 chance for living. I praise god every day for his smiling face, and for the warmth in his hugs.

     When I was twenty-two years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to be the best at my craft, that I could be. That meant stepping out side of my box even further. Being self employed was finally on the horizon. Even though I was a single mom, I had dreamed of supporting us on my own-by my own means.

    When I was twenty-three years old, my biggest aspiration was to grieve through the birth and loss of my second son/third child "Colton", may his life always be a reminder of love and divine light to me.

    When I was twenty-four years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to have a home built with everything we had ever wanted. Unfortunately it was in a less desirable location. The day before we closed the lender jacked up our rates, changed our loan product and said in an arrogant tone, "You will buy this no matter what the cost. I know you love this house." I in-turn laughed, surrendered my earnest money, found a Realtor, acquired a new lender and re-started the hunt for a home of our own

     When I was twenty-five years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to be a mother for the last time when my third son/fourth child "Noah" was born. Hallelujah!

   When I was twenty-six years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to marry the man of my dreams (My sweet "Jason"). On National Geographic's top ten most beautiful bay's. Meagan's Bay to be exact, at the peak of it's heart shape, we were bonded by my overjoyed tearful mother.

   When I was twenty-seven years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to buy and convert a little residential bungalow style house into a commercial full service Salon & Spa. Hence Chez Elle Salon & Spa was born. My second living daughter/fifth child. It took almost three years to give birth to her (yes, just like an elephant pregnancy...and boy was she just as painful).

    When I was thirty years old, my biggest aspiration in life was to see my parking-lot finally built. It's so funny to remember, but I would see it so much in my head that after it was real, I just couldn't believe it. I would sit on the concrete curbs staring in wonder-pinching myself the entire time.
    When I was thirty-one years old, my biggest aspiraton in life was to write two characters into life. Cassie and Jared started haunting me in my dreams. Never have I had a muse disrupt my non-waking hours as they did. My first Novel came to fruition. We will see where this latest aspiration will lead me too. I welcome thirty-two with open arms...cheers!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


    Did you ever think that maybe we all have the answers we seek...inside of us?

    It's amazing to see the truth in a new way and the reaction it brings.
I believe if we remembered where we came from it would be so awe inspiring that we would end our lives---to return.

    We all decide what we want to learn when we come here (to this world). We come from a plane that I believe is perfect, whole, full of opinions. We still work, love, and occasionally get in arguments. But when your bathed in love it never goes far.

    When your in a place like that you can take on the we decide too.
    It's only when we arrive here that we realize the full potential of the negative surroundings we were just born into.

    It's hilarious that a movie can evoke so much emotion. Look inside yourself...for why. As they say, "the truth is out there."

Monday, January 11, 2010

"lUCK oF tHE dRAW"

    Am I just lucky?

    Well isn't that the funniest sentence.

    It's been over four years that My Salon has been an integrable part of my life (I'm kidding myself---I meant soul). I built this place to be my personal "utopia," it is and will always be. But the price was staggering. Last year I didn't know if I would persevere. Not that I would give up, you see that is not in my character.

   I sit here eating chili with my wonderful husband-my life a lot easier. The growing pains have subsided.

    Lucky would not be the word I would use (Unless were speaking of my supportive hubby). I have lived, breathed and consumed myself in this Salon world of mine. It is only now that I have somewhat awaken from the dream. It was to be a place of happiness, success, and friendship. I realize now that was a bit selfish of me.

    Most people are okay with status quo. Never rising above their station in life---listening to the mental tapes their mind has played since they were little. I always thought that if you built the door, anyone could walk through---ill designed (it's just not true).

    I can't make anyone whole, or want to be better, work harder, or love what they do. But in the end it's always someone else who is blamed if things don't turn out as people desire.

    Isn't that lucky...I am responsible for me, on occasion my husband and always my children (as long as they live under my roof). I personally refuse the credit , you have the tools use them...make it what you dream.

Ever positive and open.
Never Endings